The Parent Is the Key to the Tennis Success of a Kid
The Parent Is the Key to the Tennis Success of a Kid
The key to the tennis success of a kid, is the parent, and I can tell you most are doing a poor job. In the triangle (coach, kid, parent) two of the three parts know their job, but the parent does not, that is the weakest link in the path for a child.
Parents make the first mistake by hiring the wrong coach, problem is they don’t know he/she is bad and also don’t learn or spend the time to know if he/she is bad. (By the way the majority of you will hire bad coaches and waste time in the process).
Then the poor kid enters a cycle in which if lucky you get a great coach if not you get a coach who likes to win a lot or is pressured to win. In my opinion a good coach understands the basic path for a tennis kid. The athlete comes before the tennis player.
What this means is the good coach encourages the athlete to be to spend more time developing the athlete ( that means less tennis lessons) so he can be a better tennis player, the bad coaches encourage 5-6 day practices and only are selling hype. Parents don’t know they are being sold hype and buy more hype not helping the kid.
Then the parents also fail to understand this basic concept, kids love to compete, parents love to compare, so in this second huge error of the parents is they create the “compare” mentality which of course hurts the child. There is always someone better than you. The rule for tennis is “if its not fun, don’t play”. But, parents fail to understand this as well.
Then the errors continue as the parents never bother to explain to the kids that it is a horrible business and feed dreams that will not happen. I am not saying don’t encourage a dream, I am saying “stop feeding the idea that they will be winning an Oscar, and spending money as if were going to happen” because most likely they will not.
The worst mistake parents make is pay for everything, new racquets, new shoes, academy lessons, trips to Spain, etc. This failure to understand that the secret sauce in tennis is “hunger” and the parents do everything to make sure the kids never feel the need to be hungry(for something).
Then, another gigantic mistake parents make is take them out of school, thinking that’s the way to get more practice, big mistake, if I told you that none of your kids will be pros, you then hurt the child even more as he will be an uneducated 20 year old, with very little chance of becoming a high earning individual, which is what we all want for our kids happiness.
The last big mistake they make is then hire these big name academy coaches, shelling out $250-$400 hr. for learning a forehand. Are you serious? If your kid is any good you as a parent will have made the right choices for them, for his coach, and for your own money, and all those involve making tennis fun, that is it. How many of you reading this can say, you are not making those mistakes?
Tennis is a game, and we play games to have fun. Parents please educate yourselves and learn that it is you who are making the biggest mistake in your kids tennis journey. Wake up! And help your own kids.
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Excelent!!!
Wow – couldn’t have said it better. The only thing I would suggest is someone like yourself write a handbook for parents to follow. You need to expand on all the areas you touch on in this post because what you say is true and people need to hear more of it!
We are lucky we now have a team of excellent coaches with one main coach , all of them have played for GB or been a national junior, and know how to treat my son, result he has improved massively . He loves it, its fun, hard work, fulfilling . He used to do 2-3 hours a week.and was bored ..now he does 13, and fitness five times a week, and is never bored!
“Parents make the first mistake by hiring the wrong coach . . . (By the way the majority of you will hire bad coaches and waste time in the process)”
If there are so many bad coaches out there, why do you place the blame on the parents? Doesn’t the blame belong to the organizations certifying these bad coaches and permitting them to tout credentials that may not be deserved? There’s little to no accountability for coaches. How is an inexperienced sports parent supposed to know good from bad other than relying on the credentials or referrals the coach provides?
And, David Baird, check out http://www.parentingaces.com – my sole purpose in starting the website and radio show is to help my fellow tennis parents learn from and avoid the mistakes many of us make along the junior tennis journey.
Thank you David Baird ! I am a parent of D1 tennis player who still loves it despite all the mistakes I made. Probably every single one mentioned. But the reason these mistakes are made is because there is a HUGE gap in the market for educating parents. The tennis journey is so complex, exhausting and expensive in the US and it starts with good coaches educating parents — not just belittling them for the things they do wrong. Every tennis parent I know would love some good advice from a trusting coach but it’s so very hard to find. MInly we are asked to step aside! Don’t be so quick to judge but instead educate. It’s very hard to be in our shoes!!
The intent of my piece is to generate self examination of the parents, I find it futile to place the blame on an organization that as any is I am sure political, and does its best. I rather focus on what we can control and what we can do. Waiting for some organizations help will only make you more mad. Today in 2014, much of the information is out there and the question I believe is not why is the information not given to us in an orderly fashion and easy to understand format? the question is how bad do I want to help my child in this journey and since there is no information readily available, I got to go and get it, for my own child. I believe the solution starts with me.
Lisa stone you are so spot on! All the hard work you are doing to help educate parent and coaches will hopefully start to turn the ship — but boy does it turn slowly!
Coaches need to take some accountability too! We are all in this together! It’s such an easy “out” to blame parents without taking some ownership 🙂
David
I think that would be easy to do, we could do a collaborative effort as parents are at different stages of their kids, my kid is 9 others have older kids, maybe Lisa of parenting aces can collaborate as will as others and we make a parent /coach led effort o not only help our kids, but American tennis. It makes me mad for my son to not have an American kid or pro as a reference and I believe truly in my heart that the solution is two fold. 1) we work together 2) We do it not wait for some organization to do it as they probably can not. I’m ready to work
I would love to give my two cents, I’ve made plenty of mistakes along the way as well. Parents are begging for this kind of thing!
I agree! and Thanks for this topic. Collaboration and mutual support is the way forward (especially beneficial would be as suggested in a similar post… between the tennis centers and clubs and coaches to arrange practice matches cooperatively as a shared goal.) Leaders/coaches create the ‘culture’ for this. As Tim Gallway said
(‘Inner Game Tennis’)… true competition is cooperation because I want my opponent plays great, even ‘better’ than me as it builds the greatest potential in me–competition pushes me to play my best and better than ever.
Javier, we should talk! I am working with some very knowledgeable folks to do more to help us parents. But to say that the parent is the weakest link in the chain is doing a huge disservice to those parents who are trying to make sense of a senseless US system. I don’t really have much experience with other youth sports, but my understanding is that most (all?)of them have a clear-cut development pathway from the very beginner levels through high school and into college that includes both recreational and elite outcomes. Tennis does not, so that adds another level of frustration and challenge for families entering the sport. Education and communication are key, in my opinion. That’s why websites such as this one are needed. If our governing body followed the lead set by other youth sport governing bodies (take a look at youth golf for example – I wrote a piece comparing jr golf & tennis a few months ago) and made sure that coaches and families and players and events were held to certain standards from the get-go by providing the necessary educational pieces to each, TennisConsult.com and ParentingAces.com would be rendered unnecessary. Until that happens, though, the onus is on the families to seek out information to help their children find success at whatever level they pursue.
I agree Javier 100%. Thank you. My daughter is 11. I too want positive role models and Americans for her..until then… I model and teach the basics…1) play your very best and never give up
2.)Even if you ‘think’ your opponent has made some ‘bad’ line calls.. give her the benefit of the doubt and just keep calling your balls correctly i.e. if the ball lands on the line or close, it’s her point–always. (WISH REFS COULD STATE THESE KIND OF NOTIONS IN THEIR PRE-MATCH BRIEFING ESP. WITH 10’S 12’S! WE SAY,If others have to cheat to win, they are not really winners. 3.) there will always be those who play better than you and those who do not play as well, so just play your best game and learn from every match and know you are improving. We never have said ‘so and so’ is a cheater etc.
(EVEN WHEN WE KNOW IT). OUR GIRL, she is only 11 AND WE ARE NOT IN A SUPER COMPETITIVE REGION SO THAT HELPS THE PROCESS SO FAR! COLLABORATION, COOPERATION, AND FUN IN HAWAII!
Hi David! The problems with junior tennis are so wide-spread & I don’t really have anything to add at this point but I’m interested in following this thread 🙂
Javier, I have had similar discussion with Lisa of parenting aces and others. This should be a coach/parent lead effort. I believe a collaborative effort with the ultimate goal of educating on a national level (starting at local levels) could transform tennis in the US and make everyone more accountable. This is so overdue! It’s hard to watch parents continue to grapple for answers and then make the same mistakes over again — no one grows when that happens!
Candice you make a really great point on the other BIG gap in junior development. Cooperative effort at competitive match play among local academies, tennis centers, clubs etc. It has baffled me for years why coaches didn’t take the lead role in collaborative match play. I spent countless hours setting up matches with and among parents for our junior players. We even set up round robins on Saturdays with the juniors and adults. Everyone would benefit if the leaders/coaches developed a more collaborative approach on a local level. If the coaches are good, they won’t lose their players! The good stuff mentioned in this blog could transform tennis. I don’t believe it would be very hard. Parents and coaches just need to work together (talk/listen) and begin to develop appropriate roles, expectations and guidelines for junior development! We don’t need a governing body to do this. Grassroots efforts like Lisa Stone’s radio show and these blogs, where caring folks start to come together and build on ideas is the way to get started! It’s long overdue!
I believe we can start and now, wait no more. A grassroots effort for people who are truly concerned, things take a life of their own if =you truly care, and that means helping , working to make it happen. I wrote that piece because I feel we never work together and for not speaking we help neither, stupidity in simple words.
LIsa’s website is very good and should be required reading for a parent.
Lisa we can set up a date and talk to exchange ideas, the way I see it the triangle is equilateral and all have a piece to play, the kid has to learn and have fun, the coach has to teach and make the kid have fun and the parent, as the paying and supporting parent has to manage the coach and the kid so they both have fun. Granted we wish there was more help for the parents, but I feel that what you have done is remarkable we then instead of just letting you do it, should pitch in help, write critical pieces to help. I just wrote another piece for all to read. But at the end of the day the kids are ours, and no one but us will look after them. I am not familiar with other sports, but I know this our kids need our smarts and cooperation, lets give it to them, they deserve it. American tennis deserves it. Lets be smarter and work together and collectively accomplish more.
The minute the blame game starts, I walk away. Replace the word “blame” with “responsibility” and begin to look for solutions. It’s a lot easier when you take control.
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Well, it seems that I’ll be the only person who is really, really sceptical on this blog post.
> In the triangle (coach, kid, parent) two of the three parts know their job
No. Actually just one of those three knows his/her job – and yes, this is a coach – but this job is NOT to develop a player, if we speak about a competitive player.
The main goal of almost every coach we met, saw or heard of is to develop a reality which is convinient for a coach himself/herself, not for a kid.
And this is not good or bad – this is “normal” for a coach. Coach met tenths of kids daily, so he needs to organize his life & schedule convinient.
Will he or she make any sacrifices – for your kid, while a kid is not a star yet? No. Will a coach start to believe in YOUR kid, not another, if any? No. Nobody needs a keed except his/her parents.
So, yes, coach knows his/her job – but this job is usually NOT in the full interest of your kid. The only person who is always at the kid’s side is parent(s).
> Parents make the first mistake by hiring the wrong coach, problem is they don’t know he/she is bad and also don’t learn or spend the time to know if he/she is bad.
Yes, that’s true. But tell me, please, what do you usually say if parents start to ask “too many” questions? Have you ever recognized that their questions are useful, smart or reasonable? Do you welcome if a parent starts actively participate in the training process?
At last, have you ever said – honestly, no sarcasm – “I am not good enough coach for your kid?”
Most of parents really start from “blind hiring” as they know nothing about tennis.
But when some of them start learning, it’s COACHES who block their learning – because it’s coaches who are really not interested to have expert parents as it is better to have silent dummies near the court.
> What this means is the good coach encourages the athlete to be to spend more time developing the athlete ( that means less tennis lessons) so he can be a better tennis player,
Yes? Sure? What sports are you going a kid to play? Running? Crossfit? Bodybuilding?
Tennis is A GAME! So the very first habit which has to be developed while a player is a kid is a habit TO PLAY!
If we speak about kids, they can receive almost any conditioning (except opening and closing warm-up), having a racket in their hands?
Who needs “an athlete” who does not know how to play tennis?
But this is a very unpopular view among “coaches”. Why? Because this means more work for a coach on court. In a gym, a coach can talk, watch TV or “serve” 10 kids one time. What a convinience!
> so in this second huge error of the parents is they create the “compare” mentality which of course hurts the child. There is always someone better than you.
Yes, and coaches do NOT like when somebody is evaluating their job :). This is the secret: give me your kid, your money and do NOT evaluate my job?
> Then the errors continue as the parents never bother to explain to the kids that it is a horrible business and feed dreams that will not happen
…
> Then, another gigantic mistake parents make is take them out of school, thinking that’s the way to get more practice, big mistake, if I told you that none of your kids will be pros
I hope you are a better coach than a motivational speaker. Anyway, I would not like my kid to be coached by somebody who’ll say “Do not follow your dream, you’ll never be a pro”.
> Parents please educate yourselves and learn that it is you who are making the biggest mistake in your kids tennis journey. Wake up! And help your own kids.
Parents please remember that it is only YOU who really cares of your kid. No coach in the world will do something really big for your kid – only you. Most of coaches are interested to keep you uneducated & blame you, not themselves, in every possible tennis sin.
Stop trusting your coach (I am serious). Start educate yourself. Most of you can actually be the best coach for your kid, after some reading, thinking and education.
Fight for your kid – and be brave enough to let them believe in their biggest dreams.
The first part is spot on, the second is not. You go from saying the parents are indeed important and questioning coaches and their decisions to telling kids they’ll never be a pro. Never dash someone’s dream but guide them to reality!
1) Parents – in tennis & common sense – are much more important than any coach through the whole player’s career;
2) Yes, parent should all the time question coach’s methods & decisions – as any coach actually work for himself/herself, not for your kid.
3) Never say your kid that he/she won’t be a pro. Because this is actually transferring a kind of fault from you, adult, to kid. Say “I do not want you to be a pro…” and explain why. Or shut up and do everything you can to make him/her a pro – and he/she will definitely become a pro!!!
p.s. I am a father of a pro player :).
I like that!
Anton
thank you for the long reply. I am not sure I understand all you say. However the part that you mention about the odds of being pro. No one is suggesting you tell that to the kids, but the reality is one that as a parent you must be aware. I know parents who invest thousands of dollars because the coaches have told them they can be pros. Nothing could be further from the truth. UNfortunately the parents do not know and the end result is obvious. That is what I meant to state.
Javier,
I think you understand what I am talking about. Parents should NOT 100% trust coaches – never. Even 50% is too much. I also know cases (lots of them) of juicing big money from parents – telling them fairy tales about future Wimbledon sitting and cream strawberry eating.
But I also know stories – and one of them is our family’s own one – when coaches told “Your kid will never be a pro” though the right sentence was “I, coach John Doe, can’t make a pro from your kid”.
This is because coach is always working for his/her own interest, not in the best interest of the kid. Parents are your customers. Will you ever tell your customers “I am not good enough for you, ask my competitor to do the job”? Especially if you are sure that they do not have any idea about your job.
That’s why tennis coaches worldwide are spreading myths about their job and trying to keep parents as far as possible from tennis process (except money & logistics). You just do not want to to lose a customer, you need money for living – not the best results for kids.